On Sunday D and I decided to hit up Elk Lake for a 10km loop. I was slightly nervous, there's no out and back on this one, or at least, there shouldn't be. I decided that I didn't want to hold D up with my slow ass so I sent him on his way to start without me. I watched which direction he turned to start his loop, and then I went the opposite way.
I figured at least this way we could give each other a high five.
Now, for those of you that don't live in the Victoria area, let me tell you a little bit about Elk Lake. It is kind of a big deal. People run here all the time in the summer months. They even run major triathlon events here. It's relatively flat, it's shady, and it's around a lake. What more could you want in a run?
But I imagine that everyone would think this critically of me. It's what I do.
I also thought that with my belly beginning t o protrude that people wouldn't know I was pregnant and that I was just slow. Oh well, I should probably get over it.
Needless to say, I still want a shirt that says "I'm not slow, I'm just pregnant," or something to that effect. I'm uber competitive so clearly this is an issue for me.
I think the hardest part is that I was just starting to get "fast" in relative terms to where i started, and to go back to being even slower than where i began is a rather hard. Even if it is to grow a baby human.
Has anyone ever dealt with this before? Just achieving one goal, feeling on the cusp of achieving another - my ideal, perfect weight. And then having it all slip away?
It's hard, very hard.
The thing that will get me through this is just focusing on what it's all for. It's really hard, though silly - I know, to focus on what counts and not think of the selfish part. The part that thinks this was my only shot to be a fast runner, to feel like I might have a real struggle losing the baby weight. The part of me that thinks that the Michelle the doesn't have a child is now lost to me forever.
So how do I navigate these muddy waters? I guess by learning balance - clearly this is easier said than done. I imagine that achieving my goals and pursuing them further, while being a mother, will be even more of an accomplishment in the end. I've just got to remain focused on that end point.