But every time I considered it, I thought that I wouldn't be able to commit to the plan. I thought that running alone - my hubs isn't the running type - would be boring.
And I am far too competitive to join a running group without some running under my belt.
I wondered what I would think about during my long runs.
And there were enough excuses to save me from my real fear of failing.
Christmas 2010 with D's family (the hubs) - D's dad, or pops as I like to call him, was talking about his Calgary marathon in May 2011. He happened to mention that both my brother and sister-in-law were running the half. D's step-mom also mentioned that she was considering running the 10k. It was starting to sound like a family event, how could I be so selfish and miss out??
So I secretly researched if I could train enough in five months to finish a half in a respectable time. I looked at flights from B.C. to Calgary and I quietly mentioned to D that it was something I was thinking of doing. Did I mention that this was done QUIETLY?
D had to open his big mouth and tell his family I was thinking of doing it and within half an hour I was officially signed up and committed.
Whether I was truly ready or not.
But D is much smarter than I give him credit for - he knew I would talk about it but never fully commit and what better way to throw me in there than to do so in front of his family?
I'm still trying to make a good impression so they don't realize I'm actually certifiably insane. Luckily we have an entire province between us to serve as a buffer.
So with his family there to hold me to my word, I started to train. Without the excuses.
I'm not perfect, and I missed some runs here and there, but for the most part I was dedicated to my training plan. And I ran my first half in 2011. I ran two.
And I can't begin to tell you how proud of myself I am to actually set a goal and truly work towards it. I still haven't beat the 2hr half-marathon mark but that's a goal for 2012, and a separate blog post.
So now, like last January, I set a goal in my sight and I hope that despite my lapse in dedication at times, that I can meet all that I aspire. And perhaps surprise myself once again.
And believe it or not, I actually enjoy running. I look forward to sticking my headphones in my ears and losing myself in the light sound of my breathing and the familiar patter of my feet.
But I think that my favourite part about running is that when I get back from a run, I usually have no idea what I thought about. I just lose myself in the moment.
I read an article in Runner's World about a man who writes his books while he runs. (If you know who I am talking about and are offended that I don't - please forgive me, I'm new!)
I know people who sort out problems while they run. I'm sure there are people out there who make up fantasy worlds where oompa loompas swim in waterfalls of peanut M&Ms.
And I may have done this myself.
But only once, honest.
What do you think about? A distant goal? Life? Or nothing at all?
I know I think about my legs hurting from time to time, or I focus on my favourite podcast (hello 4 feet running), but any other details are unimportant. I lose myself, in myself. There's no fear in me, and I love it.
Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it.